I was lucky enough to meet with Reese Witherspoon, star of the upcoming film “Wild.” We met at an upscale restaurant in the trendy neighborhood of Tribeca. Reese arrived, looking elegant yet casual in a cashmere sweater and jeans. I hoped I looked okay and that she couldn’t tell I was wearing leggings from Target and I prayed to God I didn’t have camel toe. I got up from my seat and, in a weird exchange, I kissed her on the cheek and accidentally hit her left breast. She sat down, smiled and I took out my notebook. Not preparing for the interview well at all, I asked her what filming was like? What kind of cameras they used and what they looked like exactly? Were they heavy? I also asked her if she had any pets, just to ease her into some of my real hard hitting questions, which I hoped I would be able to think of later. She started to answer one of the questions, but I couldn’t pay attention. I found myself dozing off. I had gone out the night before and I was cursing myself for it. Luckily I wore dark sunglasses and I don’t think she noticed. I had been pretending to write, when she tapped me on the shoulder. And she said, so politely and sweetly, “Are you even listening to me?” “Oh, of course.” I explained and made up some story about how I always look like that when I write, because that’s what they taught me in journalism school, at Yale, where I studied journalism and graduated with honors. She blabbed on and on about the question I asked her, which I had already forgotten. I stopped listening again, because I was too proud of myself for coming up with the lie about Yale. “You still got it, Eliza.” I thought in my head, or so I thought. But it turned out, I said it aloud. “What did you say?” she asked, so demurely. She really is so nice! Luckily, at that precise moment our food arrived. I ordered a roast beef sandwich. I could’ve cared less about going on with the interview and the conversation, the roast beef sandwich was so good. But it seemed like she wanted to keep talking. About what? I still have no idea. She got a piece of food in between her teeth, so for the rest of the interview I just stared at it and debated whether I should tell her or not. I opted not to tell her. She was going on and on about her kids, or a dog, or boyfriend. I can’t recall, but it seemed interesting enough. I smiled and laughed, hoping she wouldn’t notice that I had absolutely no idea what she was talking about. There was silence for a pretty long time. But it was nice. It was like the silence between two friends or lovers. That comfortable silence. After finishing her meal, she abruptly got up and excused herself to the ladies room. She didn’t come back, but I think she had a good enough time and I think she probably saw the food in her teeth in the restroom.
1) “Do or do not. There is no try.” -Yoda
2) “Just do it.” -Nike
3) “Things aren’t that bad. You’ll be okay.”-My mom
4) “Stop crying.”-My dad
5) “Hey. Washing the dishes today?”-My roommate
6) Most food you drop is still perfectly edible. If it was in your eyesight the whole time, you can pick it up and eat it.”-Dr. Oz
7) “Enough with the crying. Really. Just stop. You’re an adult.”-My dad and sometimes my mom depending on her mood
8) “If you see a suspicious package or activity, do not keep it to yourself. Tell a police officer or an MTA employee. Remain ALERT and be safe.”-MTA Subway conductor
9) “Sure… I’m proud of you.”-My dad one time when I asked him if he was proud of me.
I love dogs! I think they are the cutest animals. So, here are some of the cutest pictures of dogs I found on the internet. Try looking at them WITHOUT your heart melting.
Hey lil’ guy!
Adorable!! Look at those eyes!
Dalmatians are awesome!
For this pug, it’s just another day at the beach!
Over the shoulder shot for this cutie pie!!
So small! So cute! Smile for the camera :)
Taking the world by storm, one lick at a time!
And people say I have too much free time.
The other night I was on the subway pretty late when I saw a girl rush in carrying a container of potato salad. I thought she was going to wait until she got home to enjoy her treat, but she couldn’t wait. I’ve never seen someone eat potato salad with such urgency and blatant disregard of ones surroundings. I was in awe and for the first time I realized, sometimes when you need potato salad you need potato salad. I was happy she was getting what she wanted. But, most of all, I was happy that I got to be part of this moment. Long live potato salad and long live following your heart!
The other day I started a new job as a dog walker. As I was walking towards my first dog of the day, I felt alive, alert and ready to take on the world. I was looking down at my phone and I stepped in something strange. I looked down and realized it was a mango. I was grossed out, but quickly put things into perspective because it could’ve been worse. Of all the things I could step in on the street, a mango would be among my top choices. Needless to say I was feeling lucky. A couple hours later, however, after lots of walking around and playing with dogs, things took a turn for the worst. I was exhausted. I began to question my path in life and the choices that led me where I am today. Would I ever be happy? Would I ever find love? Would I be doomed to pick up dog poop forever? Then, like a beacon of hope, I came across a Juice Generation and got myself a smoothie with mango in it. I love smoothies, but I don’t normally opt for ones with mango. I don’t know whether the mango that I stepped in at the start of the day was inspiration or foreshadowing for the smoothie that would bring me back to life and carry me through the rest of the day. But either way, I was grateful. Grateful for smoothies, for mangoes, for Juice Generation, for life as New York CIty dog walker!
Sometimes I worry that people I went to high school with don’t think I’ve changed that much. They still see me as this girl whose unsure of the future, without a full-time job, or “friends.” But I’ve got news for them, I’ve changed a lot since high school! I started to wear lotion, every day. Like an adult. Also, the other day, I used a public restroom and there was no toilet paper. So I used a receipt. I’m innovative. So what some of my high school friends have money in both their checking and savings account. And some of them use tupperware containers. Well, I’m resourceful AND I have smooth skin.
When I was little I was scared of being abducted by aliens, because I feared that they would kidnap me and anally probe me. I watched a lot of X-Files. I’m obviously no longer scared of this today, but I’m surprised that my parents didn’t think I was a genius for this fear. I mean anal probe is a pretty big word for a five year old. Now I’m just scared of conversations and having an actual adult job. And I’m a real letdown to my parents. Sorry I wasn’t anally probed as a kid mom and dad! My fears never came to fruition, but it looks like yours did!
We have toilets that flush automatically. So why does everyone look at me like I’m a crazy person when I suggest one that wipes my butt, does my laundry, brushes my hair and holds me and tells me everything’s going to be okay when I cry?
The other day I saw a man walking down the street with a loudspeaker. I recognized him from last year when he was yelling at everyone for shopping. Telling us to enjoy our last day on Earth because shopping was a sin. As it turned out, he was wrong. Although I was a little nervous to see what he would be yelling this time, I was pleasantly surprised by what I heard. He said, “Do you know what stuck up means? it means you’ve got a stick up your butt. Don’t go into 2014 with a stick up your butt. Can you imagine being old with a stick up your butt?” I’m a sucker for anything butt related so I thought this was much better advice.