This is my sister! She sings this song. She wrote this song. She is amazing.
When I was in middle school I was really into combining weird ingredients, microwaving them and eating it. My favorite concoction was chocolate chips, butter and brown sugar. I loved it. I had to stop though because, I found out I had high cholesterol.
But I recently started to think, what if I kept up this habit? And I would bring in all my ingredients to work and spend like an hour in the kitchen microwaving away. I could be the “Martha Stewart” of the office, but a fun Martha Stewart. A Martha Stewart who doesn’t care about measurements, organization, precision or health. A Martha Stewart who also doesn’t care about cleanup, because I’m really lazy when it comes to doing dishes. I think everyone would hate it.
I think people in commercials are too excited about the products they’re selling. It’s always, “the best” or “the greatest” or “amazing.” That doesn’t make me want to try any of this stuff. Where’s the mystery? Where’s the intrigue? That’s why I think it would be better if the advertisers just said the products were “okay” or “alright” or maybe “good?” but in kind of an unsure, questioning way. With those words my curiosity is piqued. It’s my job to test it out for them, for everyone. I guess it would make me feel special.
I can’t afford to buy magazines, which is sad, because sometimes I want to read them for the beauty tips and articles. Then I figured, why can’t I just make my own? Here’s my version of Cosmo.
-Ads-Lots of them and just when you think you’re done with them they’re more.
-Article about pleasing your man-it’s all about him-forget about you. Titled, “Hiding Your Face Makes Sex Easier For Him!”
-Article about finding your confidence-so you can please your man. Titled “Get Confident So He Can Get Off”
-Your fat-how to lose weight-gain confidence and please your man. Titled “Lose It And Groove It Or Else He Won’t Do It.”
-A chat with a celebrity wearing a bikini with a long sleeve top. She tells us how she feels confident and how she pleases a man. Titled “How “Insert Celebrity” Learned To Love Herself By Falling In Love And Having Sex And Stuff”
-A mini article about a new sex position to please your man. Titled “This One’s Gonna Hurt Ladies, But It’s Great For Him!”
-Another mini article about makeup tips-for the bedroom-to please your man. Titled “Dress Up To Get Down”
-Article about burning calories while pleasing your man. Titled “Getting Hot While Melting Fat”
I saved us all $5
The other day Sephora was offering free makeover sessions in Union Square. I decided to take them up on their offer. I’m really bad at doing makeup, so I figured now was my chance to learn something and get it done by a professional. The guy doing my lipstick was really nice, but I guess we had different opinions about my look. I was going for “angelic” and he was more of the “clown variety.” Needless to say, as I was walking around I got a couple of stares. I just thought it was because I looked good. I imagined people thinking, “Where is her halo?” but they were probably just thinking, “go back where you came from, clown.” That or, “Thanks for the warning, I won’t get my makeup done at Sephora.”
Sometimes I send myself emails to reassure and encourage myself. But they kind of have the opposite effect. I often forget I send them and then it’s actually first alarming, and then depressing to get a surprise email from yourself with the subject “I love you” and the body saying “everything is going to be okay.”
Feminism is clearly a major part of your life, and you have passed down the importance of it to your daughter, Ruby. What does it mean to you to be a “feminist”?
It’s so important to me that you can see this child has a firm grasp on what “equal value” means, that even in the playground, feminism is an approach to the world that can come in handy.
To me, to be a feminist is to know that women and men are of equal value. Value. There are a lot of things that spring out from that ethos: what we can accomplish, how we evolve as people, how we relate to each other, gender wise. But if you approach gender from a place of an even playing field, it allows for “roles” to be stripped away, for convention to be stripped away, for conditioned behavior to be stripped away. It allows for women to enter a workplace and know that whatever her skill is, she can excel in that arena, go further and further still. To be a feminist who understands that women and men are of equal value means that in a relationship, a breadwinner is something either or both partners can be. To be a feminist to me that is understands men and women are of equal value is freedom.
Read part two of the interview www.thewomentakeover.com.
Photo credit: Art Streiber
The other day at work I opened a yogurt container. It exploded, but I thought I had made it out okay, with most of the explosion getting on the floor. I felt lucky.
About an hour later I had to go to the bathroom. It wasn’t until I had looked in the mirror that I realized I had a large chunk of yogurt in my hair. This was disappointing on many levels. One because, it was gross, and two because, it looked like semen. I guess those were the only levels. But the semen one is good for like 12 levels.