The Weezie Going Blog

Animals I Wish Would Hibernate

No one wants to see you here, wolf.

Why don’t you get your own life, owl. Stop intruding on mine.

Okay, deer, I get it. Now let me forget about you for the next 4 months.

I don’t like the way you look. Give me a break from your face.

Stock up those nuts and go to sleep. You’re bothering me.

You’re too sly for your own good and mine. I don’t like knowing you’re out there. Go to bed.

I don’t want to clean your poop anymore. Please sleep!

lolliblog:


Liza has always had a punk/rebellious streak when it comes to clothes. We would get her dressed and immediately she would start adjusting her outfit to her liking. Her efforts were never an improvement, which is one of the reasons I think it’s ironic that she’s working at American Apparel. Here are some examples of Liza in her willful prime: Accessories like fake plastic glasses and the party dress with Jake’s Ninja Turtles cap worn backwards were trademark touches. Check out what she did to the yellow and red teddybear and hearts outfit I got her one Christmas. Add a defiant jaw-set and Flashdance the top, and you’ve got classic Liza. 

I would give anything to have that Ninja Turtles hat back.

lolliblog:

Liza has always had a punk/rebellious streak when it comes to clothes. We would get her dressed and immediately she would start adjusting her outfit to her liking. Her efforts were never an improvement, which is one of the reasons I think it’s ironic that she’s working at American Apparel. Here are some examples of Liza in her willful prime: Accessories like fake plastic glasses and the party dress with Jake’s Ninja Turtles cap worn backwards were trademark touches. Check out what she did to the yellow and red teddybear and hearts outfit I got her one Christmas. Add a defiant jaw-set and Flashdance the top, and you’ve got classic Liza.

I would give anything to have that Ninja Turtles hat back.

The other day I was walking and a man looked at this girl ahead of me and made these gross kissing noises to her as she walked past him. I wanted to ask him what he thought that would do? Did he think the girl would fall in love with him and start kissing him back? Did he think that she would think he was cool and ask him out? I also wanted to ask him, what about me?

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Rain today with cloud farts tonight. This is the worst birthday weather ever :(

Flat Belly Secrets: 6 Things You’re Not Doing But NEED To In Order To Get That Six-Pack

1)Pray: Ask whatever God or mythical spirit you believe in for toned abs. If you pray hard enough I think there is a 50% chance your prayers will be answered (So long as you are following a diet and exercise regimen in addition to the praying.)

2)Draw It: Use a pen or marker to draw that six-pack on. Try to find the best color for your skin tone. You want it to look natural. When people say “Hey, you drew those on.” Say, “What?” Then run away. Running will also help you get a six-pack.

3)Paint It: Similar to drawing your abs on, but use paint this time. If you’re tired of running, walk briskly and pray that people asking about your painted-on abs won’t catch up to you.

4)Try Crunches: When you get too tired/angry start praying again. Then grab that pen or a paint brush because those abs won’t be beautifully crafted by themselves.

5)Load Up on Fiber: Eating a ton of fiber will help you forget about all the difficulties you’re facing while getting those sculpted abs. From the pain you’ve endured to wash off the paint and pen marks, to the crunch you attempted, a food coma in fiber form is well earned and necessary.

6)Maybe a Milk Bath? It might help get off those pen and paint marks.

I have these calcium gummy vitamins that I take every morning, because I am an adult who needs calcium and prefers to get my vitamins in candy form. There are 3 flavors, cherry, orange and strawberry. I don’t like the orange ones as much as the others and am always a little sad when I have to eat that flavor. Recently, however, upon purchasing a new jar of my gummy calcium supplements I had a revelation. I decided to eat all of the orange ones before I got to the other flavors. I knew it would be a challenge, but once I finished them I would have only the good flavors to look forward to. I called my challenge “Operation Orange.” Well, today I completed “Operation Orange” and I can honestly say undergoing this was one of the best decisions of my life. Now, with only the cherry and strawberry flavors left, I wake up every morning excited to start the day.  I feel strong and alive and it’s not just because I’m meeting my daily calcium needs, it’s because I challenged myself and I succeeded. 

No need to click. The worst food for weight gain are those “seemingly healthy” giant pig testicles.

No need to click. The worst food for weight gain are those “seemingly healthy” giant pig testicles.

Lolliblog: Off

lolliblog:

For my entire life, people have thought me a bit off. Of course, they are too polite to say this to my face and I am slightly paranoid, but I know it’s true. I am a bit off. I’m overly friendly and have an odd habit of pulling my shirt sleeves over my hands. When asked how I’m doing I say “fine ”…

Halloween costume reminder.

Whenever I eat an apple around co-workers, I feel so bad because it’s so loud. In my head I always say, “Don’t worry guys, we’ll get through this.” And it pains me to know, that they’ll never know how caring I am, because my loud crunching offsets my carefulness.