For my entire life, people have thought me a bit off. Of course, they are too polite to say this to my face and I am slightly paranoid, but I know it’s true. I am a bit off. I’m overly friendly and have an odd habit of pulling my shirt sleeves over my hands. When asked how I’m doing I say “fine ”…
Whenever I eat an apple around co-workers, I feel so bad because it’s so loud. In my head I always say, “Don’t worry guys, we’ll get through this.” And it pains me to know, that they’ll never know how caring I am, because my loud crunching offsets my carefulness.
There are certain things people should just know. For example, the other day I was riding the subway and there was this woman who, rather than using the pole to hold, like it was intended for, she was holding on with her butt crack. Completely leaning up against the pole with her butt. And I don’t think that there is a polite way of saying, hey that’s not for your butt crack.
But, maybe she just doesn’t know, just like I didn’t know how to wear a belt correctly until middle school. I used to wear the buckle part all the way to the side, instead of the front. Luckily someone pointed out my error and I made a change. I am grateful to that person and I think of them whenever I wear a belt. And perhaps, that is exactly what I can be to this woman. Every time she is tempted to use her butt crack as support she will think of me.
If I were a genie in a bottle, the first thing I would do is force someone to wish that I wouldn’t be a genie anymore, so that I wouldn’t have to live in a bottle anymore or be a genie.
For his school talent show, my beautiful nephew Drew memorized Let It Be. This was no small feat; Drew is autistic and non-verbal. When he reached the end of the first stanza, “speaking words of wisdom, let it be” his teacher had instructed him to add: “sing with me!” and everyone in the audience did.
Drew approached his performance with seriousness of purpose and the audience greeted him with a vocal outpouring of love. Add to that the poignant relevance of the song’s message…in every way, Drew’s version of Let It Be was the perfect cover.
When I look at this picture of Eliza, I don’t what I find most remarkable: that 1.) for Halloween, Liza, who was eight, wanted to be (according to the label on the package) a Saucy French Maid, or that 2.) they would actually make Saucy French Maid costumes for kids or 3.) they had the nerve to characterize this as Saucy.
I thought it was pretty saucy.