The other day I was at a bar with my roommate and I saw an old man walking in my direction. I stared at him for a second and thought, “Wow, old people are real buzz kills.” Then I felt bad about it, so I smiled at him. This turned out to be a bad choice, because once he shuffled over to me, he patted me on the head and said, “what are you looking at?” He seemed angry. Turns out my first thought was correct
Whenever people think of the future I feel like they imagine their mind connected to a computer. But what if we’re going about it all wrong. What if it’s our butts that have all the power?
I’m thinking about becoming a scientist.
There are still some cleaning supplies I haven’t bought for my room, but I don’t see the point. A table in my room tends to get dusty, but why would I get a duster or some cleaning spray when I can just blow the dust away using my own breath? This gets rid of it, for a little while at least, and it makes me feel powerful and useful. I have a purpose now and that purpose is to get rid of dust in my room. Sure, the dust comes back but that just gives me another opportunity to feel like a machine. I play inspirational music when I do it too, so that way everyone, meaning my cat and the musicians are cheering me on. I’m my very own duster and I’m proud.
I’m also broke and not buying a duster is saving me some money. So self-encouragement helps.
You go through life thinking you’re immune to the power of advertisements. But then you find yourself with platform sneakers, oxblood colored pants, and a closet full of peter pan collar tops that you never wear. Instead they just stare at you, mock you, and remind you of how weak you are. Shopping is fun.
I’ve never been more aware of the fact that I was single than this past weekend. After being stuck inside during the snowstorm on Friday, the next day I was ready to get out. So I opted to walk around by myself as I do most Saturdays. But the snow created a lot of large, deep puddles. At first I didn’t mind stepping in them, but then my feet started to get wet. Then, worst of all, I kept getting behind couples. The boy would help the girl through the puddle and I would be left alone to fend for myself. The puddles were too big and I kept stepping directly into them. I began to hate the couples around me, even more than usual, which is saying a lot. After that I started to reflect on my previous night stuck inside, alone. I had a dance party, alone. Then I hung out with my roommate’s cat and watched three episodes of “Louie.” I realized I have it pretty good. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. Sure these couples have each other to get through puddles, but I have freedom.
I went to a club the other night and it cost $30 to get in. I would never in a million years spend that kind of money on a club, but my friend wanted to go so I went to be supportive. Honestly, I think it was the grossest place I have ever been to in my life. Mainly because it smelled like people had just been farting for hours. It’s like because it was loud and dark they just felt free to express themselves in farts. The most annoying part is people act like they’re so cool and chic, paying lots of money to go dance, but meanwhile they’re just farting up a storm. And that is why I will never go to a club again.
Sometimes when I’m really cold and walking to work, I’ll see a dog walking with its’ owner and I’ll think, “Wow, I’d love to be that dog.” But, today I realized that’s actually a really sad way to think.
One of my least favorite things is when you’re walking behind someone and then you decide you are faster than they are and want to pass them. So you start to speed up, but then they speed up too and you’re walking together, side by side. I always feel so weird. What do I do? Speed up or slow down? It’s like a secret race, and being extremely competitive I always jog ahead. But I think the way to remedy the situation is to reach out your hand and walk together. Not only will this stop my competitive edge, but it will also ease my loneliness.
In 2nd grade I was really good at drawing horses. So good, in fact, friends would ask me to draw for them and I was more than happy to oblige. It was a really great time in my life. But my drawing ability lasted only that year. Something snapped and I don’t know what it was, but I just couldn’t do it anymore. I guess my talents just shifted as I got interested in other things. My classmates and I would have a contest for who could squeeze in their nose, basically plug it without using your hands, for the longest amount of time. I was the second best at this. I also got really into curling all of my fingers together very quickly. I was the fastest in my class and people were pretty impressed. But these things aren’t useful today. Today it would be really cool if I were still good at drawing horses. Maybe I could even make a job of it. I guess I could try to make a job of the other things, but I’m not really sure what those jobs would entail.